Assuming the Normal...blah, blah, blah.

It was a normal, routine night in our household. Quiet had began to blanket the rooms with the sleepiness of bedtime while Jarrett and I step into our respective roles, as if on autopilot. Everyone had been gearing down for the night by reading in bed, some willingly, some...not so much.
I went to Jonathan to give him his arms-out-from-under-the-cover hug and hand squeezes goodnight. But, I had a sense he wanted me to linger. As I stood up to tell him goodnight and that I love him, I saw for sure in his eyes thoughts that longed to climb out, words that needed to be said.
"What is it buddy?" I asked, expecting the typical conversation of waking up and wondering if it's ok for him to come get me.
I assumed too little.
He broke his silence, "Mama, I started reading that book Who Is John F. Kennedy?."
"That's good!", I said to my non-lover of reading, a little surprised by the brevity of the statement and wondering if there was more.
I rubbed his back a little more and then he rolled over and looked up at me seriously and urgently.
"Mama", he said through 11 year old efforts to disguise a voice beginning to quiver, "in that book it was saying how his mom was never really there for him because she would go on these fashion trips and visit Europe all the time and stuff."
"Oh that's sad." I interrupted, poised to pounce on this teachable moment that presented itself.
He quickly stopped me from rambling with that thought.
"Yeah I know, I know...and it just got me to thinkin'... It got me to thinkin how you are ALWAYS there for me...and...and...", through tears he continued, "I just wanna say thank you. I love you, Mama."

Speechless.

I fumbled through the flood of tears in my throat, "Jonathan, you just filled my heart full buddy. I love you....and I wouldn't miss a second."

To think, I could've missed that moment because I was too stuck in going through the motions, of walking zombie like through the monotony of my routine!
I expected the normal.
I anticipated so little.
I underestimated the gift because I was looking past it to the next thing.

You never know what joy is in store for you right where you are, especially if you never stop to see it.

Don't let the routine usurp the glorious in your life and don't let opportunities pass you by for you to break others out of that routine by being the bearer His glory in their life.

You and I were designed to be difference makers...and to readily expect and anticipate our Great God to make a difference IN us and THROUGH us.

Whose heart will you choose to fill?

Mamas and Daddys...let it start with us.
Be present.
Be His.
Be the difference maker in your child's life.
Moments like these will make you eternally glad that did.


"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
(Matthew 5:14, 16 ESV)

My Chained Heart

"My heart is chained to the unchainable Jesus."

This statement by Louie Giglio at Passion 2012 has been planted deeply inside my spirit.

Who would think that a statement about being chained could be the
catalyst of freedom,
of life for these dry bones?

But my destiny, my purpose is not chained
to what I was,
what I've done,
my failures,
my losses,
my insufficiency...
NO!

My destiny, my purpose is chained to the
Grace-Giving,
Failure-Forgiving,
Always-Winning,
More than Enough God that I love!

I don't have to try live my life FOR victory...I have the privilege to live my life FROM victory because I am a daughter of the King!

I have chained myself to the unchainable Jesus!

 John15:5 

"...Apart from me, you can do nothing."

So what HAVE you chained yourself to?
addictions,
wrong beliefs,
circumstances,
acts against you,
actions by you,
the past,
the future,
...and the list could go on and on and on...

Let it go! Grab onto His Grace! Move the chain!
Learn to remain....remain in Jesus!

So what WILL you chain yourself to?

Bishop T.D. Jakes speaks to this truth-in his own unique way- in this clip from "Let Them Walk"...see for yourself...

Chain yourself to Freedom.
Chain yourself to Victory.
Chain yourself to Peace.
Chain yourself to Wisdom.
Chain yourself to Truth.
Chain yourself to Love.
Chain yourself to Power.
Chain yourself to Healing.
Chain yourself to Deliverance.
Chain yourself to the Lover of Your Soul.
Let the rest of it WALK!

Chain yourself to the unchainable Jesus!

Tweet/Post this: "My heart is chained to the unchainable Jesus."@louiegiglio #forHisglory

Heart Ramblings

You.

That's all I really care about.

You.

I want more every time I taste and see Your goodness.

Every time I find You I just can't belive that You would trust me with another piece and portion of Who You are.

I believe You.

I believe that what You have in store, I cannot even begin to imagine.

I believe that You are poised and ready to be all I ever need You to be...

...if I will just surrender.

Really say, "Your will, Your way"

Really step out on faith that moves mountains.

Remaining comfortable,

stagnant living,
shallow giving,

gasping for air breathing,

my agendas seething...

I can live like this NO MORE.

I cannot watch my life whiz by uninterrupted.
I am dizzied by my own lack of action,
My own refusal to let You press pause.
I cannot do this poor excuse of doing anymore.
I cannot be this comfortable living,
parasite Believer.
This Pharisee, pining after rules instead of God's heart,
on a rule following,
attendance taking,
activity going
sugar-high...
Justifying my own agendas because they are outside the boxes around me,
Yet, they are boxes of my own creation, just the same.
They are not His.
No.
He did not create these rules I keep,
This track record I collect and store to display somewhere- a hall that does not exist.
No.
He is a box-breaking God
who desires box-breaking worshippers...
Spilling the messiness of their oil of worship all His feet
And meshing it with  the sacrifice of
Tears
Joy
and Thankfulness
and Awe
and...
and Nearness.
Even when the room comes to a halt...
Even when whispers deafen...
Even when the burn of stares singe the edges of my heart...
Even then...
Press in.
Press in further.
I won't stop until I'm at His feet.
Because that's where it all disappears.
It all fades away as I fall at the feet of the Object of my affection...
This Jesus.
This is it.
He is It.
He is All.
He is Everything.
Yes.
YOU are.
That's what I believe.
This is what I know is Truth:
You are Truth.
And when the world tells me that I am confused,
a distraction to those seeking outward reverence above a life messily sacrificed on Your altar...
THAT is when I will just RUN to Your feet, look You in Your face,
look Truth in the eye,
Feel Truth wrap His arms around me and whisper my name...
Truth sings over me with a voice of rejoicing.
Yes, He delights in holding this messy sinner,
who runs crying,
unworthy,
but BOLDLY approaching the throne of Grace!
He finds joy in my feeble attempts to rightly worship unhindered by this rotten flesh.
Because there is no "right",
Because there is no list of rules
He only asks me to come.
Really.
He just wants me...
even more than I want Him.
What?
I know.
It's crazy.

How can this God want me?

Why would He want this pile of issues and shortcomings?

Because I am His.

Because He knew me before I took a breath.

He formed these moments I am living and called each one into existence.

He's walked each one and laid each moment down,

Packed full with His presence and provision...

If I'll reach out...

If I will see.
If I will look past my own insufficiencies that I have allowed to lay down walls of limits

amidst these moments He has made for me.

My vision is limited by me.

The horizon,

endless,

unlimited potential,

and beauty...

THAT'S what He created.

So,

I want to see.

I want to see past the limits I have bricked up all around me.

I want to see with Spirit eyes...

Blinded to all else.

Because that's when Grace experienced is labeled...

Amazing.
Because what else do you say when a

poor,

destitute,

bitter,

enemy

is freely forgiven,

joyfully welcomed,

given this Love,

and immeasurable riches?

What else do you say when unmerited favor is handed out

to one like me...

...and so lavishly?

What else do you say when the rightful hand of death,

this death sentence I so deserve,

is paid for by Another?

What do you say when this wretched ife is not only forgiven-

it is proclaimed,

declared NOT GUILTY?!?

What can I do but shout,

"GRACE!"

"AMAZING!"
And what else can I offer...
but my life in return?

No.

It's not enough.

No, it is not payment.

Because THAT is a debt I cannot repay.

Jesus already took care of that.

Nope...

It is my offering.

My thanks.

My joy to give.

And I am beginning to understand that is it His joy, Your joy Father, to receive.

In all its messiness,

in all its ridiculous junk...

It is His joy to receive it because...

That's how He loves.

Far beyond what I can understand...

He loves me.

He desires me in the middle of my mess because He has His cleansing blood

ready and waiting,

His robe of righteousness to bestow on me.

And I...

I don't deserve it...

But...

That's how He loves.

Yep.

Be Still

"Be still, and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations, 

I will be exalted in the earth!"

(Psalm 46:10 ESV)

I need to give you a tiny bit of back-story on how this verse and how the picture to your right changed my life...so roll with me on this...

When I was 19 years old, I truly began investing in my relationship with the One who had invested everything in me.
I craved time with Him, to know Him more and to understand His desires for me. 
During that time I began to pray for the Lord to give me a life verse- a verse that I could stand on throughout my life, and hold to that specific treasure that He had given me to remind me that, with Him, my account is never depleted or overdrawn. :)
Shortly after, the Lord gave me Psalm 46:10.
 I am sure that you may have heard it or heard it referenced, or maybe at least the "Be still..." part.
Over the years it has been such water to my Spirit, such refreshing to my soul. From time to time, I'll revisit it the verse to study and find out what God wants to show me fresh and new.

One day, several years ago, as I did this, I decided to look up the verse in different translations of the Bible in order to study and gain fuller understanding.
As I did, read the New American Standard Bible version.
I have to be honest, at first reading, I had a major, "Huh?" moment:

"Cease striving and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."

(Psalm 46:10 NASB)

 "Cease striving..." ???
My perfectionist, people pleaser, affirmation seeker conversation with the Lord went something like this...

"Cease striving? What Lord? You mean, you want me to stop trying? You want me to stop doing, stop seeking ways to be better for you, stop trying to do great things for you? But I thought that was what you wanted for me: To be the best I could be?!?  If I "cease striving" then I will stop growing....right?"

See, the problem was, I was looking at the word "striving" the wrong way. 
In our culture, and more importantly in my follow the rules, all or nothing, give it all you got mind,  it's more commonly synonymous with "aspiring" or carries the connotation of  "goal-setting".

But when I looked up "striving" in the dictionary, this is what I found:
To struggle vigorously, as in opposition or resistance 
To exert oneself vigorously; to try hard
To make strenuous efforts toward any goal
To contend in opposition, battle or any conflict; compete

What I saw as solid and steady effort from myself, God saw as pointless struggle and strain, that ultimately only brought one result: frustration.

Why?
Because it was MY strength, MY efforts, MY ideas, MY goals, MY, MY, MY!

Immediately the Lord gave me a vision of this verse: A Chinese finger trap.
You know...that thing that you put one finger in each side and when you pull to get your fingers out, they are stuck.(see picture at top)
Although its just your fingers, there is something about it that brings about panic...and make your fingers feel claustrophobic(if that's possible!).
Once your fingers are in, and you keep pulling and struggling against the trap, the fact is...you are not going to get out.
You are stuck.
Trapped.
And no matter how hard you try and try and pull and pull, panic sets in as you realize, you cannot get out.

How do you overcome this little trap of a toy?

You stop...Relax...."cease striving"... And then, slowly pull out one finger, then the other.
The result? Freedom.

The Lord used the vision of this little toy to reveal to me a core truth of this verse I had been missing:
All too often, I get too consumed with struggling to put forth the best that I can give when the best thing for me to do is REST in the perfection that He is!

The Lord is saying "Yes, I want YOU to stop trying, YOU to stop struggling, YOU to stop putting forth strenuous effort, YOU to stop contending...and let ME do the work IN YOU and THROUGH YOU!"

Cease striving.

It's how you go from good things to GOD things.
It's how you go from your best to HIS best. 
HIS strength, HIS effort, HIS ideas, HIS goals...

Cease striving.

Whatever you are going through, in the hands of the Almighty God...the God that is exalted above all the nations...it is merely a little wicker toy of a trap over which He has already secured the victory! 

I am still learning to live this truth day in and day out, but when I allow it to permeate my spirit, it transforms my attitude, my choices, my outlook, my emotions...even my health.

The effort I need to make is simply this:
BE STILL. 
Be His.

"God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!"

(Exodus 14:14 MSG)

Share His Truth...Tweet or post this today:
Don't b consumed w/ struggling 2 b YOUR best...REST in the perfection that HE is! #psalm4610 #forHisglory

9/11 Remembering What I Felt...

I usually don't remember a lot about how I felt on any particular day.
Maybe what I experienced, but rarely the specifics of what I felt.

But then, something happens that sears a feeling into your core, into your mind, into your memory....and thats what happened on September 11, 2001.

I have always remembered what happened that day, what I was doing...but I don't aways let or allow myself remember what I felt...to go to that tender place in my memories.

This year, as I was doing a unit study about the events of that day in our Homeschool, I thought about getting out my journal from that time to see if it might help convey my heart during that time to my children.
I had never re-read what I wrote.
But when I did, it brought back not just memories, but deep seated feelings that had flooded over me that September 10 years ago, as a 24 year old wife, mother of 2 (at the time), seeking my place and way in the world and His Kingdom...

What follows is that journal entry from Friday, September 14, 2011...my first after the attacks:

"I have so much sadness inside of me...I just don't know how to let it out.
I feel at times as though I could cry for days, other times I just want to scream, others times I could do it all at once.
Our nation has been attacked...but more than that, our spirits have taken a blow.
I keep taking deep breaths to try to get it all out, and it just can't reach deep enough.
This is affecting me in a way I just cannot explain.
And I know that it has only just begun!
God show me, reveal to me what it is that You want me to know, what it is You want me to do!
How do You want me to change?
How do You what me to react?
Right now I am scared.
I am sad.
I am mad.
I am overwhelmed.
I am so many things that I can't put into words.
But I feel them.
I definitely feel them.
I am drawn to the stories and the pictures. I can't pull myself away.
I sing constantly in my mind. I feel like it's the only way to push through...I feel like I can get it out that way.
The words that flow from my mouth comfort my heart and my mind.
Thank you Lord for song, for words that can be lifted to You in praise, in longing, in thanksgiving.
You restore me through the gift you've bestowed on me.
How precious, how priceless.
Your love is so great!
I know Your arms are all around me.
You call me to Your lap to sit for a while and I settle in the comfort of Your never-ending, ever reaching, constant and healing love.
Thank you Jesus for holding me for more than just a little while.
Thank you for understanding that it feels so hard to smile.
The emptiness that seems to grow is something that only you can touch...with You only will it fade.
I praise You Lord for Your comfort.
Thank You for healing and caring about my fears.
Jesus, please help me to hold You through them, to know that You are greater and stronger than anything I could ever encounter.
God, please show me- clearly and surely- what You want FROM me, what You want FOR me!
Speak to me loudly and clearly, Jesus!
I want to know You more!
Use me Jesus!
Amen."

So on this tenth anniversary, I will remember.
I will remember what happened that day...what I felt that day...what others may have felt and experienced...
I will remember what the Lord planted in my spirit that day and I will nurture it further so that the life and fruit He desired to see in me as a result of it all will be evident...so it will bring Him glory...so it will make Him obvious!

I flipped back a page and saw the last pre-9/11 journal entry:

"Be open! Sometimes God doesn't change your circumstances; He changes you!!"

Wow.
Choose to remember how you felt that crisp blue-skied day of Septmeber 11, 2001... and let it fuel your passion to press into the Lord and go forward with a battle cry to further His Kingdom in the face of whatever may be on your horizon!
And I will never take for granted the opportunity to do so.

Yes, I will remember.

 Spread His Word, Tweet/Post this:
#IWillRemember #IWillMakeGodObvious #911

Lion's Dinner?

It was really only supposed to be background noise.
And so, I had relegated it to just that- at least until the Lord decided otherwise. 
And just like that, an Animal Planet tv show about the savannas reached out and grabbed me with this statement: 

Lions only go after prey that enter their own territory!

According to this narrator, there is no specific line in the savannas where one can see the area that belongs to one pride or the next.
Only one who knows that particular pride, or is familiar with them, could give warnings and indications if you are getting too close to the area that belongs to the pride...to the lion...to the predator...to the enemy.

Immediately my spirit went to 1 Peter 5:8: 
"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour."

It is so easy to haphazardly wander into dangerous territory as we become distracted with the burdens, pressures, and propositions of the world, of life.
When our focus shifts to our good intentions and personal efforts, we lose sight of where we are.
We roam outside the circle of obedience, that place of safety the Father has created for us where His blessing and favor flow freely, and instead, find ourselves in the midst of the enemy's territory.

But just as one would be insane to leave their guide in the savannas, so we are when we take our eyes off of the One Whose wisdom will warn us if we are dangerously close to paths and areas infested with the enemy.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties  on Him because He cares for You."

Keep your eyes on the Lord, trusting His wisdom and guidance.
Even when you cannot see the very dangers He is warning you about, just trust.
He knows what you cannot.
You don't have to fret and plan ways to hopefully avert the dangers.
You just have to let Him be your guide.
Humbly surrender to His guidance.
Let Him care for you.

Being "sober-minded" and "watchful" means being focused...focused on God! NOT the enemy! 

Our problem is not a lack of watching our territory and steps...our problem is thinking that in doing so we will,by our own good intentions, out smart the enemy!
Don't step and then ask God to bless it or remove all the lions from it!
Ask the Lord if the territory you are moving towards is His to begin with!

Don't become the lions dinner.


Tweet/post this:
Keeps ur eyes on the Lord,ur hands about His work,ur mind in His Word,ur life in His hands.He knows.He cares

The Doing

"There are things that are easy to know...but hard to do."-Ryan Warren

This was the  ultimate theme of our day.
All of us have been receiving loads of this easy to know stuff in Bible Study, rec time, track times...and all of those things are great to know...but the truth is, they are incredibly difficult to do.

So after a phenomenal day of recreation time, lunch, track times, free time, and supper, we headed to worship.
Fuge worship-especially with The Seth Medley Band- is a powerful thing.

As we worshipped, the Holy Spirit showed me that He was stirring amongst the students in a big way that night. I prayed fervently that He would empower the pastor, the worship leader, Jarrett, myself, other chaperones to feed into and water that work the Holy Spirit had already begun to do.

It is so amazing to watch students-our students- worship with such freedom and abandon. Voices, hands, lives lifted high to Jesus, unashamed, unafraid.

The night was a challenge to move beyond the word commitment and instead move toward consecration.
It was a challenge to be devoted to Him and bold for Him...
A challenge to be connected intimately to Him and consumed by Him!
Easy to know...hard to do.

As we moved into church group devotion time after worship, there was just still such a sense that there was work the Holy Spirit still had work to do.
And wow did He ever!

Jarrett asked the question to begin with: "Does it bother you when you are disconnected from God?"

That question pierced us all in different ways, but for me, it ignited a Word from the Spirit that I could not contain.
I talked to them about needing to recognize the truth of whether they were plugged in to the Source- Jesus, or whether they were plugged into some outlet just for appearance sake, with no power running to it.
Because, if you have ever experienced power, you are going to do what's necessary to restore that power when there is a disconnect! 
You don't believe me?
Think about what you did the last time there was even a flicker of a power disconnect in your house! Everything stops and notice is taken!
So if we have truly experienced the power of God, when there is a disconnect, you are going to have a desire to do what's necessary to reinstate that connection!
So the question is are you plugged into the true power source?!?
When something is plugged in to power...there is evidence.
It's really that simple.

Our students are in the midst of checking their power source.
Are you brave enough to honestly do the same?

Some have boldly proclaimed their need for a Savior and have surrendered their all!
I have had the privilege of kneeling on this Panama City beach sand and hearing them cry out for God to save them and cry out for God to take them and use them!
I have been humbled to be a part of seeing them plug in to the Ultimate Power Source so they can pierce the darkness with the light of Jesus!

The only reputation we build by playing games, playing religion, is the enemy's.
No more game players...be a transformer.
Get plugged in...shine His Light!
Be open. Be honest. Be His.

Tweet/post this:
Are u  plugged into true Pwr Source?Whn plugged into pwr...there is evidence.It's tht simple.Be open.Be honest.Be His. #FugePCB